The Art of Cringe

However much I dislike cool kid slang, I have to admit, sometimes it really is the best describer.

Reading some of my entries in this blog definitely are... cringy... to say the least.

It's been a few years. And while on a time line  that doesn't seem like much, in reality it feels like I've evolved into a different species. From the moment of that last post until now, my world has completely changed.

I've always enjoyed writing, but never had the discipline to write with the intent to really hone it as a craft. I've had peers who I admire deeply for their rigor and tenacity and always improving their writing. Sometimes I have the itch to write, but mostly not. I think that's ok.

I can't tell exactly if a blog... this blog is meant for me to have a platform to speak about my ideas or to have a space where I can share myself. Probably a little of both. The things I enjoy writing about the most probably aren't what will get the most views and comments, but I care about them and that's the point. Introspection is important. Writing has always been the easiest way for me to process and organize my thoughts and feelings.

So... alright. That's what I'll do. Write when I feel like it. Not feel bad about not writing. Be more authentic. Be less... cringy. 

My kids would be so proud, using cool kid slang appropriately n' junk...

Physical Health

My newest venture in life involves becoming a healthier version of myself. This is the first of three posts detailing this journey.

I've been working hard in each domain - physically, mentally and emotionally - to take small steps each week with the goal of heath and well being. To me, being healthy means taking steps to ensure the body, mind and those around you are experiencing life honestly.

To experience the body honestly, the first step is hardest of all. To accept and be okay with my body has always been a struggle. I've never looked in the mirror and been okay with what I've seen. Sometimes I avoid the mirror all together. It's okay to want to reach goals as far as weight loss and fitness go, but more importantly, to accept my body for what it is first and foremost. I've taken a different approach to how I eat. As a child, we had the rule that in order to leave the table, you must clear the plate. This mentality has been deeply ingrained in the way I approach eating. I also tend to eat without experiencing the food, whether it's because I'm in a hurry, preoccupied with another task, or just being social. Instead, my new focus has been on tasting the food and making eating a full sensory experience - not only how does the food taste, but what does it smell like? What's the texture? Temperature? Is it sweet? Sour? Savory? Sweet? On top of this philosophy, I've been paying more attention to quantity and ingredients. Keeping a journal of the food I eat each day is not as hard as it may sound and it's a great way to stay honest. Ingredient-wise, I've made steps to replace small calorie adders with healthier alternatives - olive oil instead of butter, greek yogurt instead of sour cream, whole grain brown rice instead of white. The second aspect of having a healthy body is fitness. I've always gone back and forth with exercise regimens. I'll be super on top of it for as long as a few months, but something always "comes up" and derails my routine. Excuses are always the downfall. I've transformed the way I deal with exercise by building it in to my daily routine and made sure the people around me know about it to keep me accountable, instead of being something I try to fit in at the end of the day (assuming I'm still awake!).

So far, my journey to a healthy body has been challenging, but I've never attacked this goal with so much rigor and integrity. I am committed to staying honest and being okay with the way I look. I feel good about what nutrients I give my body and listen when my brain tells me I'm full. It's okay not to eat it all - what's important is to feel satisfied in a way that will keep me satisfied for longer. Education is key and I've been reading articles everyday dealing with healthy eating recipes, tips and tricks. It also doesn't hurt to have others on my side, supporting me in my journey!

The Excitement's Gone... For Now

Growing up sucks.

Remember when you were a little kid and your whole world was the 20 block radius around your house? When your greatest source of stress was wondering if mom cooked canned peas for dinner? The most serious relationship you had was with Luke, the boy who lived around the corner and up the street, and you secretly held hands when nobody was watching? The big report you had due on Friday was about Macaw parrots?

Those were the days...

Time goes by faster now. A week, a month, a year - by the way, where the hell did 2012 go? It's almost Thanksgiving and I don't even remember Saint Patrick's Day (but that might be for different reasons). I've caught myself operating in auto-pilot over and over again. Get up, eat, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed. No part of that is fulfilling. It's boring as hell. And it makes me so effing pissed off.

I always vowed to lead an exciting life. Whether that meant skydiving or making new friends on a weekday, I didn't really care, I just wanted to fill my life with new and different experience as much as possible. Now it seems, all I can afford is to dream. And man, I have some dreams.

I daydream about a post-apocalyptic world ravaged by zombies and how I would escape, who I would take with me, and where I'd set up camp to repopulate the world.

I daydream about the house I want to live in someday, who I want to live with, in a heavily wooded mountainside, living off the land.

I daydream about traveling the world, jumping out of airplanes, eating bizarre foods, sleeping between expensive sheets, meeting important people, climbing huge mountains, and listening to live music.

But all those dreams are just that, dreams.

It's hard to keep my head held high when the things I want seem so far away and unattainable. I know the 80+ hour work week I live doesn't help, and the minimal paycheck helps less, but I know it's all for my dreams. Working hard is hard, but when it pays off, I'll be the happiest person you'll know, because I will be traveling the world, jumping out of planes and eating bizarre foods. I'll sponsor a kids soccer team. I'll buy my mom a vacation to Italy. I'll build my business bigger and better. I'll build that house in the woods.

And life will be exciting again.

Save Our Souls

I read an article in the NY Times today: Cost of Wars a Rising Issue as Obama Weighs Troop Levels

Right off the bat, the article hits upon the topic of most concern to me and I'm guess a whole lot of other American citizens right about now.

How can we justify cutting spending, increasing taxes or raising the debt ceiling when $120 billion is being spent in Afghanistan this year alone?


This is precisely the point I attempted to make via a sloppy, reactionary Twitter feed during the CNN GOP debate in New Hampshire a couple of weeks ago. There's a ton of talk about the struggling economy, the ever fluctuating stock market, the stagnant housing market, the job market, etc. These are the things that are affecting Americans the hardest and most noticeably. Job security is important, but it's not a luxury a lot of Americans enjoy. The cost of living is only going up. Federal cuts to higher education are causing enormous tuition increases across the nation. At the University of Washington, and expected 20% tuition increase is expected to take effect next year. 


We're told money can't buy us happiness. Well, lack of money sure can cause a whole lot of strife.

The American military is doing too much. A country that's suffering economically can't try to revive an entire country that has no economy, infrastructure, or even stable government. We've got to get our troops moving out, get our money back into the U.S. and  figure out how to save our citizens at home before we try to save the world.

The Grand 'Ole Party

Here is the first 30 min. of last nights NH GOP debate:

If you're at all interested in politics and how the 2012 Presidential election could play out, this first GOP debate of many to come was an interesting first look at the field of candidates. Being ideologically liberal, I have very few (if any) opinions that align with the Republican party, but I want to give my reaction to how the candidates dealt with the questions posed. I'll reserve my political opinions for a future post. Information is my fuel, politics a hobby. Here's my reaction to the debate:

I was amused, horrified, confused and annoyed through a majority of the debate. I expected to watch Romney field criticisms from his competitors, Gingrich to spiral into an unimpressive, disappointing mess, and a lot of sucking up to those red blooded, God fearing Americans.

Well, there certainly was sucking up.

However, nobody laid a finger on Romney. Pawlenty even had the opportunity served to him on a silver platter, and he sheepishly refused to explain his "Obamney-care" statements from the weekend prior. Here's what I think happened. Romney is a front-runner. Maybe THE front-runner. He spent his time debating Obama rather than his fellow candidates. He's got that superhero-esque jaw, presidential hairline. He's charismatic.

And apparently perfected the ability to stare his competition into silence.

I'm guessing the other candidates looked at '08, saw that Biden was the only one to not piss off Obama and followed suit for a shot at the ticket. Let's play nice.

Blah, boring.

I was rather appalled at Gingrich drawing a loose comparison of Nazis, Communists and Muslims. I think I get what he was trying to get at, but it really just made him sound like a bigot. Same for you, Mr. Cain and your remark about the "Muslims who are trying to kill us."

Bachmann worked the crowd, garnering annoying applause at every turn. She's like a scarier, more competent version of Sarah Palin. And she successfully announced (twice I believe) her ability to raise more than two dozen children. An extremely important quality I want in my President.

(Does sarcasm translate to text?)

I was basically bored to death every time Pawlenty spoke. I couldn't take Santorum seriously, because there's something about his face that makes me want to punch it.

Ron Paul unleashed his Libertarian, socially liberal views to an unforgiving, stuffy crowd, interested in God, America and God.

Basically, I was entertained until I was outraged.

I've always had a hard time trying on the point of view of a Republican because my views are so different. My Twitter feed from the evening reflects my snarky, bitchy point of view peppered with my political ideals. I'll follow this bunch of GOPers until the election, just so I can know how badly Obama really needs to get re-elected.

Step into the year 2011, Republican candidates. Taxes are good. Gay marriage isn't a government issue. Neither is abortion. Energy security is important. Can't we just all be friends?

Anonymity is Toxic

I've been spending too much time on Twitter, the "dumpster of the internet" I once heard a certain @mr_pancakes put it. And it really does live up to that name, at times.

I use Twitter as an opportunity to share my take on the world through the lens of someone who finds humor in almost anything. I try to be upbeat, light and funny. I'm sure my constant barrage of Tweets gets annoying for some of my followers, but it keeps me entertained. And that's really what it's about, right? Entertainment... right?

I'm going to preface my point by stating that I'm a generally optimistic person. I choose to see the best in people. I tend to always assume everyone's intentions are basically good.

BUT...

Twitter, that impersonal, anonymous beast of social networking, has started to really bother me. People are crazy mean there. They're rude, hateful, ignorant, and looking to pick fights. A part of me is thankful nobody really gives me the time of day on Twitter. I don't really have to worry about "backlash" for anything I post. I tend to keep my opinions about politics and sensitive issues here. And probably for the better.

The anonymity of Twitter is toxic.

The capacity people have to be cruel is amplified when they don't have to be personally responsible for the consequences of their cruelty. Basically, you can be a horrible bastard on Twitter and it really doesn't matter.

Seeing too much of that evil only makes me cynical.

I choose to follow people who are entertaining. I like crude, obnoxious humor. I don't like crude, obnoxious people. There's a difference, people.

Blah, I've been drinking too much Jameson.

Also, I've just discovered Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie is on Netflix Instant. Do yourself a favor and watch that shit now.

#ff @pattonoswalt @Tony_Cala @mr_pancakes @zyoungs108 @DamonLindelof @AlecBaldwin

America's Broken

I was driving home today to look to my left and discover a beloved restaurant in our neighborhood was gone. Rest in peace, La Piazza. I was so sad in the moment. It was a kind of funky little place, with a strange, almost off-putting cast of employees, but the food was amazing. Authentic, rustic Italian.

And now its gone.

This particular story rings especially true for myself. About two years ago, my brother and I received an inheritance. I chose to pay for college, my brother invested his money to open up a business with our step-dad. It was his dream to own and operate a LAN center (a place to play video games), so he started collaborating. A long, drawn out two years later, the guys opened their doors.

It was his dream.

Shortly thereafter, my brother discovered the time and effort that goes into a new business was beyond what he could deal with. He was away from his girlfriend. He was broke and he wasn't making money. So he left. He left our-step dad to deal with the whole thing on his own. At this point, the business was already struggling, and his departure made things worse. Long story short, we're looking for a buyer.

Financially, the business was a bust for all involved. My mom's roped into the mess just as much as the boys. Personally, I find it difficult to remove the emotions I have regarding the business. I should feel lucky though, I have no money tied up in a failing business. I sympathize, but at the same time, feel that familiar, ugly "I-told-you-so" voice in the back of my mind.

Without going too much into the situation (so not worth it anyway), I guess the point I'm trying to make is the economy is tough. This isn't new, you say. True, but for me, the realization about how tough it really is just hit me.

It actually baffles me.

I see so many knowledgable, intelligent, well-grounded people with policy ideas and improvements. But how can radical policy change take place in such a static, unalterable system? No matter the promises politicians make, how can the follow through in a political landscape filled with extreme partisanship?

Cynicism at its finest, front and center.

The first step on the road to change has got to be structural from within. If the system doesn't change, policy won't change. Before structural change is even possible, we must be willing to accept the reality that the way the government has been operating doesn't work. Accept this, and be willing to step into the idea that altering our system may leave us with something fundamentally un-American.

I really appreciated the way Alec Baldwin put it via Twitter:

AlecBaldwin Alec Baldwin 

Raise taxes and certain fees. Trouble is, when we're done, that country may not look like America any more.

23 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply

AlecBaldwin Alec Baldwin 

We face one great fact, in my opinion. And that is that once we address that debt, cut the necessary spending

23 hours ago 

AlecBaldwin Alec Baldwin 

US debt is $63 trillion, according to today's USA Today. Over half a mill per citizen.

"Trouble is, when we're done, that country may not look like America anymore"

The real fear for Americans lies in a truth that's been ignored by many. We're slipping behind. If you're reading this and you're an American, you've enjoyed living in a country that is globally influential and relevant, a world power. But the world is changing. And it seems to me our remedy is ignorance.