Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and thank God that you're not who you were a year ago? Five years ago? Five months ago? Five minutes ago?
Thinking back on every moment, circumstance, event, the only conclusion I can come up with is thank God that happened. Sometimes life looked dull. Often it looked bleak. It walked the fine line between comedy and drama. But it's always interesting. It's always new.
I can let me past define who I am or I can live in the now, being totally present to who I am. Who I create myself to be.
I love who I am.
"Could I have been anyone other than me/
Then I look up at the sky/
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste/
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying/
Turn, turn, we almost become dizzy"
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Bliss. Or something like it.
Have you ever found yourself in a moment of complete bliss? When the world drops away and all that's left is the being part of human being?
It's small moments like these I crave.
From getting lost in the complex musical stylings of DMB to running the third mile on the Burke-Gillman, I find these moments are what propels me through each day.
I recently experienced what I call bliss when I turned on Led Zeppelin, turned off the lights, shut my eyes and just began to write. I didn't look at the keys of my computer, the bright screen in front of me or anything else in the room. I removed myself from the world for a short moment and experienced myself being completely free, unconstrained in every meaning of the word.
Now, if only that could be every day, every moment, that would be true bliss.
It's small moments like these I crave.
From getting lost in the complex musical stylings of DMB to running the third mile on the Burke-Gillman, I find these moments are what propels me through each day.
I recently experienced what I call bliss when I turned on Led Zeppelin, turned off the lights, shut my eyes and just began to write. I didn't look at the keys of my computer, the bright screen in front of me or anything else in the room. I removed myself from the world for a short moment and experienced myself being completely free, unconstrained in every meaning of the word.
Now, if only that could be every day, every moment, that would be true bliss.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
My world, right now
Nervous.
Anxious.
Upset.
Frustrated.
Annoyed.
Stressed.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn't actually hear me. His brain hears the words that come out of my mouth, but he's not really listening. I don't know how to express it. It scares me to tell him how I feel, but it shouldn't. I know he gets me, he understands. But I resist so much really letting loose when I'm with him because I'm afraid of losing him. I know that won't happen, but that's what it feels like. It's stupid that I can't just say what I need to say because I know I'm capable of doing it, I just resist it. I sent him a text instead of calling him. I feel like a failure.
Anxious.
Upset.
Frustrated.
Annoyed.
Stressed.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn't actually hear me. His brain hears the words that come out of my mouth, but he's not really listening. I don't know how to express it. It scares me to tell him how I feel, but it shouldn't. I know he gets me, he understands. But I resist so much really letting loose when I'm with him because I'm afraid of losing him. I know that won't happen, but that's what it feels like. It's stupid that I can't just say what I need to say because I know I'm capable of doing it, I just resist it. I sent him a text instead of calling him. I feel like a failure.
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