The Art of Cringe

However much I dislike cool kid slang, I have to admit, sometimes it really is the best describer.

Reading some of my entries in this blog definitely are... cringy... to say the least.

It's been a few years. And while on a time line  that doesn't seem like much, in reality it feels like I've evolved into a different species. From the moment of that last post until now, my world has completely changed.

I've always enjoyed writing, but never had the discipline to write with the intent to really hone it as a craft. I've had peers who I admire deeply for their rigor and tenacity and always improving their writing. Sometimes I have the itch to write, but mostly not. I think that's ok.

I can't tell exactly if a blog... this blog is meant for me to have a platform to speak about my ideas or to have a space where I can share myself. Probably a little of both. The things I enjoy writing about the most probably aren't what will get the most views and comments, but I care about them and that's the point. Introspection is important. Writing has always been the easiest way for me to process and organize my thoughts and feelings.

So... alright. That's what I'll do. Write when I feel like it. Not feel bad about not writing. Be more authentic. Be less... cringy. 

My kids would be so proud, using cool kid slang appropriately n' junk...

My world, right now

Nervous.
Anxious.
Upset.
Frustrated.
Annoyed.
Stressed.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't actually hear me. His brain hears the words that come out of my mouth, but he's not really listening. I don't know how to express it. It scares me to tell him how I feel, but it shouldn't. I know he gets me, he understands. But I resist so much really letting loose when I'm with him because I'm afraid of losing him. I know that won't happen, but that's what it feels like. It's stupid that I can't just say what I need to say because I know I'm capable of doing it, I just resist it. I sent him a text instead of calling him. I feel like a failure.